Gareeb Bachche ke Ajeeb Sapne

The title is not my own, so I wont take credit for that. It is lifted directly from an sms fwd that is being sent around.

So the ‘P’ scene is pathetic. Make that PATHETIC!

The bright side of the matter is that this is probably the best of setting up a business of your own!

I have some ideas.

1. Kheti-baadi!

The “evergreen” occupation. As long as the human race walks  the planet, they will eat. And when all the animals are gone, they will eat plants. Even now, they like some grains with their meat. So it is a good idea to plough the field and sow the seeds…(Isn’t that all there is farming? ) I know I am not cut out for hard labour, but “Desparate times need desparate measures!” Who knows, I just might bring about Green Revolution 2.0 which is long overdue!

2. Housekeeping, if you please!

My gang of gals and I are considering offering our services to keep houses. We’d do the dishes and the laundry, vacuum your homes and baby-sit your kids. And who better than MBAs to give you that professional touch! (No, no we are keeping this strictly platonic!)

3. Hobby Shop.

Amongst some 5-6 of us friends, there are pottery skills and cooking, art and crochet, embroidery and stitching. We could even teach you singing and dancing, Bollywood style! If you don’t know what hobby to take up, we’d throw in a pay-by-the-hour counselling session as well. So we are hoping you are really dumb and confused to know what to do with your free time OR just find our faces charming enough to keep looking at as the clock ticks!

4. Homework.com

We’ll do everyone’s homework, kindergarten to MBA, we’ve been diligent little kids and will do so for others now. Our credentials? Well, for generations, people have been copying our stuff and passing it off as their own. Did you ever guess? Nah! No one can tell. Even if they can, they wont care! So let us know when you get a task and we’ll finish in record time! We’d charge by volume. So hope your teachers love giving you lot of Homework!

5. Catch-me-if-you-can Money!

I am a print engineer. Where else can my skills be used better? Fake money? Nah! It’s just different. It would have all the security features that most people don’t know about! Do I have the expertise? Noch! “I am good with Google!”[Refer: Mad Money, the film]

I thought I would have more ideas but I don’t! Shit!

if you can think of more suggestions please feel free to let me know. The help will be greatly appreciated. Now I have to go walk the Director’s dog, “Here Cindy, Cindy! Here, Blind doggie!”

Eggs-Hams

They are highly irritating. I think I have grown out of them. Never really liked them. If I was prepared for them, I would feel nice if they went off well. If I wasn’t, I hated them even more.

Why they have to be friggin’ memory tests, I don;t understand. The Case Study is touted as the B-School way of testing depth and spread of knowledge. But if you make a joke out of that, it doesn’t serve the purpose. For instance, one of our papers this time had a “case study” of 5 lines. That’s still ok. Did they require to do “profound brain things inside our(my) head”[Ref:Madagascar, the Movie]? No! Just answer for 4 marks. The next case was of 8 lines and the marks alloted were 8! What shit?

The other extreme is one subject called Cases in HR. This had one case of 40 marks. The total marks of the exam? 40! Right! And there is the ridiculous rationale(oxymoron,yes) that you have to fill up pages of the answer-script as per the marks. Does it matter if the answer is good? Not really! I know in some universities, you could write a song, call the examiner an asshole and still get away with it!

Well, if success in an academic semester be judged by such parameters, I am bound to meet with little of it; success that is. Does that mean I am doomed for life? Nah! The richest drop-out in the world is an inspiration to many Why then am I doing an MBA? Playing it safe, I guess! Back-up plan and all…But I thnk I need a Plan B to that as well. Seems like even auto cos can’t hold their own. What with Colonel Motors, can’t afFord and Christ!-tell-her! going down. They are like whiny kids asking for candy even when they just got all their milk teeth extracted as they were rotting with caries! Hmmm. I think I was close to that once . All one needs is a sound beating [Watch Russel Peters on 'White People, Beat your kids!']

Holy Shit! Don’t think about the Pink Elephant!

“When is it?”

“Heard it is on ****…”

“****!???? Shit! Are you sure?”

“That’s what I heard!”

“Holy Shit!”

“I am so screwed!”

“So am I!”

“We are all screwed, man!”

They can’t just spring this on us, can they?”

“Er… you knew this was coming! Stop blaming them for everything.”

“Shit! Shit! SHIT!”

“Chill man! You people are better off!”

“Yeah, that actually true!” (Snigger)

“Thanks! I was hoping for some comfort.”

“What comfort? My ass is on fire!”

“Yeah, ok! Stop thinking about it!”

“Now, that’s easy, isn’t it! Don’t think about the Pink Elephant!”

“Elephants are pink?”

“You’ve never seen one?”

“Not a pink one!”

“There are no pink elephants!”

“Then why did you refer to it, man?”

“Because I thought about it!”

“Huh?”

“never mind!”

“She means you can’t tell her to stop thinking about something by telling her to stop thinking about it!’

“Oh! Hehe!’ (Sheepish grin)

“Now what?”

“I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!! Lemon Brothers and all the rest chose a fabulous time to go down!”

“They were in shit a long time back. It only came to light recently.”

“Yeah, but still! Fabulous timing! Wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeah perfect!”

“Just smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave!”

“What the??”

“Haven’t you seen Madagascar? The penguins!”

“The psychotic ones?”

“Yeah! Are there any other kind?”

“Aren’t you talking about Happy Feet?”

“Shut up!”

“What?”

“Bye! I am going to bury myself.”

“R.I.P”

“Thanks!”

“Anytime!”

 

Is this a joke?

Here I am burning the midnight oil. Fretting and sweating, wondering how the paper will turn out to be. I have finished five papers out of 9 and get the feeling that I’ve been taken for granted. The profs don’t seem to credit us with much intelligence. Not one f***ing question required any application of one’s mind. There were only memory tests. If there are twenty features listed, and you can recollect 15, then you get 10 marks! What shit!? 

A fellow-sufferer asked me in the canteen today, “T, when was the last  time you gave a paper easier than what you’ve gotten so far this semester?”

It took me a fraction of a second to retort, “In kindergarten!”

I can’t believe I am doing my post graduation! I knew that 3rd sem onwards, the marks have no bearing on your placements. But that is no reason to undermine our efforts!